How I Let Go of My SuperMom Complex – 3 Lessons I Learned
- Tammy Ogren
- Nov 11, 2021
- 3 min read
This is the anniversary of one of my most memorable speaking engagements. I was 1 of 5 women speaking at a Sam’s Club/Walmart conference for women in leadership on International Women’s Day. I walked in a bit nervous…there were women on the agenda who had prestigious backgrounds and vast experiences in leadership. Some appeared to have fought more battles than I did as a woman in leadership. I left feeling proud…and a bit perplexed. For, you see, part of my story includes raising children while changing my path.
CAREER GOALS
I talked about 3 things that day…Start It, Build It, Lead It. The ‘IT’ actually became apparent as I talked.
Start It: I talked about starting by having a vision and a strategy.
Build It: Build a plan and a strong team of people that possess different skills than me in order to support me.
Lead It: Understanding the difference between pro-actively developing a career and drifting into one.
My theme was Know Myself. Stay True To Me. I spoke of authenticity & awareness. How I had to watch to not let my ego stand in my way of truth.
I talked about the Idea of Success, and that it is subjective. My measure of success today will likely differ than any other time during my life. I discussed how the metrics of success by those around me was often different than mine.
“Success simply means attempting to move forward.” --G. Brian Benson, Award-Winning & #1 Best-Selling Author of “Habits For Success – Inspired Ideas to Help You Soar” | Coach | TEDx Speaker | Radio Personality | Actor | 4x Ironman Triathlete
And then I talked of the idea of Whole Life. That to know myself, stay true to myself, and envision success was about the whole picture of Me. That I saw my life in the entirety of my person, my family, and my career.
What I realized, in the midst, of this presentation, was that my children were a significant part of this story. I had focused my life on the idea of working 90% of my life in what I’m good at, what I love, and that was my metrics of success. That was my driver. I forgot, until that moment, how my most important work was at home and I had been applying those same 3 messages there as well.
FAMILY GOALS
Start It, Build It, Lead It. During the building and leading stages of my family life, I quickly realized that I could NOTdo it all. I had the SuperMom complex for a long time. It started when I went to college in my mid-thirties with 2 very active middle schoolers. I was attempting to ‘do it all’. Unfortunately, I did not do a very good job at managing the expectations of my family while I slaved away at school, housework and child-rearing responsibilities, and inevitably, it all came crashing down one day. My 12 year old son approached me and asked me to teach him how to do laundry. I was stunned for a moment, until my husband said, ‘doesn’t that make you feel bad?’. As I looked into his judgmental eyes, the answer was clear. I told my Son, Josh” yes, I will absolutely teach you how to do the laundry” and I told my husband, “Emphatically, no, I don’t feel bad. In fact, I think it’s an excellent solution.” That was the last day I did everyone’s laundry; we each became responsible for our own. That grew into each of us being responsible for dinner once a week—I didn’t care if it was pb&j…I just didn’t want to have to think about it. Ultimately, we produced children that left home able to care for themselves, share, and respect their partners.
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being a mom and building a life centered around my strengths became my story
That day, being a mom and building a life centered around my strengths became my story. After that day, I remember 2 times when both a Walmart and Sam’s Club Manager stopped me and expressed thanks. One Manager went back to school. She explained to me that she’d been thinking about it but didn’t think she could do it while raising children and working full-time. The second Manager simply said “thanks for inspiring me to lead as a whole woman and know I can do it all…with the help of others”.
Let me help you transform your life to meaningful work…just as I did a decade ago. Book a FREE consultation with me HERE or…if you are ready to join hundreds of women working with me to move their life into alignment with their unique purpose.
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